Twang
Most of today’s mainstream country music is missing a few things—the fiddle, the steel guitar, and twang.
Okay, you’re probably thinking, Here goes Gene again on a tirade about pop country.
Well, my friends, let not your hearts be troubled. This isn’t a “hit piece” on pop country. It’s not even about the fiddle or steel guitar.
It’s about twang.
Without the twang, traditional country music can easily turn into something a little less country, a little more contemporary, and a whole lot more susceptible to mingling with pop and hip-hop.
So, I was thinking: How can we get “twang” back?
Then it hit me like a largemouth bass strikes a colorful fishing lure.
All right, I’m not a fisherman, and I’ve never had a largemouth bass—or any fish, for that matter—hit a fishing lure I was using. But that metaphor sounds good, so I’m keeping it in this piece. I’ll figure out how to get it past my editor later.
Now, let’s get back on track and talk about twang.
It seems to me that in recent years, four-letter words—otherwise known as profanity—have infiltrated everyday conversation about as thoroughly as the invasive python has invaded South Florida. They’re everywhere.
Yes, I’m getting to twang. Here it comes.
This is where “twang” comes in.
To get conversations back to a state where old ladies aren’t offended, children no longer need to cover their ears, and some movies can once again receive a G rating, why not replace all that profanity with one non-abrasive, civil, and commercially acceptable word?
Twang.
And “twang” isn’t even a four-letter word.
Let me explain.
Instead of saying, “Damn it,” say, “Twang it.”
If you make a mistake, don’t say, “Oh ****!” Say, “Oh twang!”
Get angry with someone? Don’t say, “Go to he**,” or use the F-word. Just say, “Go to twang!”
Or, if you’re really mad:
“Twang you!”
Twang may never again be dominant in mainstream country music, but just look at what twang could do for civility by removing four-letter words from everyday conversation.
Well, that’s the twang of it all.
This piece may be a bunch of gobbledygook, but if nothing else, I hope it made you laugh once or twice.
If not, what the twang?
I tried.
I couldn’t possibly end this without a song. So, what better choice than Roger Miller’s 1964 “Dang Me”? It’s silly, it’s country, and “Dang Me” sounds suspiciously like Roger Miller may have invented the whole idea before I did. Click on the video below:
Gene Johns
Founder, Essie Country
Essie Country: Home of 21st Century Real Country Music 